gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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