i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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