This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
