I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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