Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
