His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
