dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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