if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
