Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
