the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
