I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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