Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
