We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So squirting runs in the family.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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