GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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