You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
