can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
