and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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