I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
