Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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