Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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