I smell stomach acid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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