all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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