Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
