I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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