my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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