kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
