ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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