I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The air was thick with penises
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
