Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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