Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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