That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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