Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
