The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
