i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
