It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
