fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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