the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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