Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
