Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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