dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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