bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
