So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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