She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
