dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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