Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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