she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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