Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
