3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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