My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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