I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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