All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
