Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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