I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
