God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
