Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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