I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
