despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
