so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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