oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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