I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
