im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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